FEELING DE-VALUED?

Hey! I LOVE " blogging with you." Because I can be real and I can be myself. No reason I have to act like I have it all together, right? I am human. Though I have become a very confident woman and blessed by the Lord, I also have struggles like everyone else. Surprise! LOL! I know you are shocked right? You thought I had it all together now. (I do a bad job at sarcastic joking, dont I?) Thank you for listening to my *"mish-e-gas." LOL get it? I am so glad you are in my life.

I want to announce to you, my beloved friends and fans that during this Spring Season, more times than once, twice, etc, I ACTUALLY THOUGHT OF GIVING UP SINGING LIVE FOREVER! Planning to never minister live/ do another concert every again was something I was highly considering. I said it out loud numerous times and this seemed to be a REAL and heartfelt option. What should I say from here? I suffered with this decision as I prayed and asked my God, Does my voice really matter? Didn't I say or sing enough already? Is it over? My passion for singing left me.

But the more I pray today, the more I think of all the people I know and the people I don't know who are suffering. I remember now that God uses music and that music can be a very powerful tool to bring a message of hope, of healing and of salvation in ways that the spoken word is limited. I recall now "the meeting" I had with the Lord when I was just 8 years old and had thought about ending my life. A voice I heard in my head said, Michelle Gold, you cannot die. I have have a purpose for your life to sing and bring a message of hope to the world. I knew the thoughts were too mature to have come from my own heart. these words MUST have been from our God who loves us and has a plan for our lives.

Today, I ask God to renew the joy of my salvation. I ask Him to restore the joy of sharing the message which I have so passionately shared for over 11 years (just counting my years singing Spiritual music alone) in the U.S., El Salvador, Denmark and all over Europe and Israel. 

So what happened? Being in Nashville, where everyone wants to be a star and everyone sings like Celine Dion and Ce Ce Winans, I got jaded. Beginning to unappreciate my gifts, I began to cast them aside. How am I valuable in this world?, I would ask myself. There are 90,000 other singers who sing about God's greatness so why me?

Today I know that I am valuable in God's Eyes. We must look at our lives, our selves, our gifts our beings THROUGH HEAVEN'S EYES! (Check out my favorite song from Prince of Egypt called Heaven's Eyes for the full message) I once had a vision of a candy store FILLED with chocolate bars! ooh! My favorite! It was revealed to me in a dream how all of those chocolates were so important. If we only had one, we would be sick of it soon. The variety of taste and richness fulfills us. So our gifts and talents also are important NO MATTER HOW MANY OTHERS EXIST! This vision I remember now and I realize how my existence matters.

12-Step Perspective or "spin": Just for today, I shall know that I am valuable to my God or higher power.  God does not make junk. We are His handywork. I will look at myself thru the eyes of a LOVING Father. I will speak to my spirit the way I speak to my little baby girl- with love, gentleness and great faith in her abilities. 

Messianic Spin: the prophet Isaiah said to God's people like you and me:  (Chapter 62)

You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah (my delight is in her)
and your land Beulah (married or beautiful)
for the LORD will take delight in you...

PRAYER OF RESPONSE:

Oh my Adonai, my mighty God and loving Father, please imprint these words onto my heart- that I am loved by you, that I am your royal diadem and that you delight in me. Remove the ugly words in my head that I say toward myself and help me to see myself and my gifts through heaven's eyes. May I NEVER throw away the gifts you have given me. That would be aweful and it would hurt your heart as much as seeing those I love throw their gifts and lives away. Fill me with your sense of purpose and restore the joy of my salvation. Amen.

Mi-she-gas: n. (pronounced mish-eh-GOSS). Also spelled mishegoss or mishegaas. Once again, Jewish people can’t agree on how to spell anything, such as Hannukah or Chanukah. Mishegas is a Yiddish word that literally means insanity or madness, but is more often used in a playful description of a wacky, kooky state of being. For example, "Mishegas of Motherhood" is intended to describe how children drive their parents crazy.

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